Happy belated 5th interview anniversary James and Maria

Thank you Matoula for opening up your home and welcoming us all here today. I am grateful for being supported in allowing me to celebrate the late anniversary of my first meeting with James, a life changing, unforgettable encounter.

Growing up, I was a curious and inquisitive little girl who loved writing and celebrity pop culture and although I’m writing this speech with the intent to encourage people to create their own answer to the question, “If I could meet a (celebrity) then here’s what I would ask them”, my reason for being so persistent in manifesting this encounter with James was because of something similar but entirely different...

You would often hear about celebrity friendships forming on the set of movies, but with reality TV shows like Australian Idol, The Biggest Loser and X-Factor there is a different element to it. These shows are platforms for creating unique and life-changing friendships between celebrities and everyday people. This concept aroused my curiosity and inspired me to tap into my “Wouldn’t it be nice if...” question further.

This prompted me to want to create something that would last beyond the duration of a show’s lifespan, so I took a leaf out of their books and went on a mission to create it...

During my mid-teens, I went through one particular rough patch that I felt was going to destroy my life, with the real threat of reaching a point of no return. Amidst the grief I was feeling, one beautiful angelic person from afar continuously and constantly came through for me when times got tough: James Kannis.

Although James’ soulful singing voice on Australian Idol captivated me, what I was equally struck by was his relentless and unstoppable positive attitude to life, which always shone through no matter what. I learnt heaps from this and slowly began to make baby-steps in changing myself. I decided that he’d be the perfect overall role model to help me through this one-hell-of-a-rough-patch and beyond...

Let me explain this further: I think positivity is something we all aspire to have and we all find it in different forms. I guess the reasons I chose him was because I could relate to him in so many ways. It felt like a sib-mance and I also felt that he was someone who would always tell people the honest blunt truth (exactly how he viewed it) whether they were in a position to hear it or not. There was something nurturing about him.

Eventually I reached a point where I felt ready and happy with the progress that I’d made; I then made it my mission to track him down, meet him personally and say a heartfelt “thank you” even if I had to (literally) fight for it.

Boy did I need all the strength I could muster both spiritually and emotionally, because I actually did end up both having and needing to fight for it. My choice of role model was on the receiving end of opinions and judgements from many around me and I did get defensive reiterating the phrase, ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’. 

My heart guided me through it all, I dropped into it often and learnt to listen and trust. I knew meeting him was going to change me for the better and plus I was out on a mission to prove my critics wrong and silence them once and for all.

I did this with a complete and wholehearted level of confidence within myself. This was the start of a LIFE-CHANGING, heart-driven journey to a new emotive life.

I’m happy, proud and honoured to say that undertaking this journey for me has been so worthwhile and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, because not only have I gained two beautiful lifelong friends, role models and inspirational teachers to look up to and emulate; I’ve also gained the love and respect of an entire family that was touched by my life story.

Kannis family, this wouldn’t have been possible without you:

James – Wow... Honestly. Where do I begin? How about I start with saying: you have changed my life for the better, thank you for changing my life but not changing me in the process. As a singer, congratulations on all your achievements to date, I look forward to hearing your next musical offering soon. As a youth and crisis worker, you’re truly an inspirational person and I hope that each and every one of your clients gets to experience on some level what I have, meeting you has been such a transformative, magical, enlightening and life-changing experience, so thank heaps. Even before I met you personally, I instinctively knew that you wholeheartedly would do anything to help me change for the better and I always felt your healing and guiding energy and presence around me so thank you from the bottom of my heart for constantly and continuously coming through for me in every step of the way because I can now proudly say I AM CHANGED AND I FEEL HEAPS BETTER. Thank you so much and I love you unconditionally my beautiful angel and I’m also so proud to call you a friend and “brother”.

Lenita – Your friendship means a lot to me, where on earth have you been all my life? Thank you for giving of yourself freely and limitlessly by sharing your unique insights on the world with me and bending over backwards for me when I’ve needed you. As a mother, thank you so much for taking the time to educate your kids about my physical challenges, befriending me and helping me reconnect with one of my childhood attributes – loving unconditionally.

Sammy – Although I don’t know you that well, I’m not leaving you out of this because as James’ dad, I want and need you to know that I value the role that you played in this (in whatever way) as equally as everyone else’s so, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for greeting me when we finally met with a very exciting and heart-warming smile as well as accepting my “Daddy K” and “Daddy Kannis” references (which were derived from the fact that you and Selina have the same initials and I didn’t want to confuse myself between you two).

Yaya Matoula and papou George – Lenita and Mark’s kids are so lucky to have grandparents like you. Thank you for recognising the impact that both my friendships with Lenita and James has had on me. Thank you for making a special space in your heart for me and placing me in it. Thank you for your unconditional love, friendship and support as well as “adopting” and “declaring” me as your 7^th grandchild.

Papou George - I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for embracing everything that you’ve heard about with an openly loving heart (before even meeting me personally). 

Orion, Eros and Selina – I love you all the same way so thank you so much for your love, support, respect and acceptance of me. Growing up, I wanted to be a school teacher but had to throw that dream down the pipeline because I didn’t have the best “acceptance record” with kids, luckily, meeting you guys has changed all that, so thank you so very much for giving me hope and helping restore my faith in that department.

Last but not at all least Mark (Lenita’s little brother) – I never thought that sending you a short introductory message would be the starting point for me to get to know you as James Kannis’ maternal uncle. I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for embracing everything that you’ve heard about me with an openly loving heart (even before meeting me personally) and for kindly and graciously taking the time to help me find a good (and hopefully permanent) dentist as well as for seeing a role model in me and believing that my general outlook on life is worth mimicking.

Khryssa and George (junior) – Even though I haven’t met you personally yet, you two have already won my heart. Know that you're always loved, cherished, and adored as you go on to make your mark on this big world as well as find your place in it, wherever that may be. I also hope that my story may instil in you a fighting spirit, bravery, courage and resilience. I love you and I look forward to meeting you both soon one day.  

Amy – Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting the life-changing journey that James has taken me on each and every step of the way as well as supporting and respecting the openness we have with each other as role models and in our friendship. I look forward to getting to know you personally (individually as well as, as James’ girlfriend). I love you so much and thank you.

   

Conclusively, I have one final message, my advice to anyone wanting to undertake a journey like this is:

i)         Be prepared to take responsibility for your actions.

ii)        Know where your headspace is at before and after undertaking the journey.

iii)       If you wish to treat it as a “learning curve” then be prepared to make tough and/or strict decisions when and/or if you feel required to.

iv)       Learn to distinguish the difference between the “personal humanitarian” part and the “showbiz and fame” part.

v)        Try not to play the “blame game” when life’s unpredictabilities, milestones and/or bad days get in the way without getting complacent because I’m living proof that celebrity encounters can turn into life-changing experiences if navigated the right way.

Fighting Chance blog 18

The cost of employment

For most young adults, having a job is something they identify with (specifically if their chosen career field requires them to work their way from the ground up) and getting a job is hard enough as it is, at the best of times.

Please note that it’s not just a generational thing because there are genuinely honest and hard-working people (like myself) out there who just want to be given whatever work opportunities we can get our hands on.

But what if your work position was jepordised by physical injury (even permanent paralysis) and caused you to have to change your employment direction and/or take on an unpreferred position?

Newcastle Knights player Alex McKinnon was in negotiations to have his contract extended for another 2 years, before his career as a football player came to an abrupt end when he broke his neck in a tackle whilst playing against the Melbourne Storm last month which left him wheelchair-bound.

While he didn’t have to contemplate and/or sacrifice leaving the job he loves, and was able to maintain his job by getting a permanent position on the NRL injury board instead, I regrettably had to leave my previous job, in search of something which eventually did go on to help me fulfill and grow my passion for writing further – Fighting Chance Australia.

As disheartening as this was for me, it also gave me some perspective in helping me realise how hard and tedious it is for school leavers to get a job and to not hope (especially if the work field that you’ve chosen is harder to crack – for example: singing/songwriting, journalism and/or acting) because while they’re all creative mediums that fuel one’s passion, you’re often required to have a second job to help maintain social stimulation and generate a financial income.

In concluding this article, my final message will be one of hope, which is that rejection is a part of life and can sometimes test you but it’s in no way whatsoever a cause to give up on your hopes and dreams but can make you a stronger and better person by instilling resilience in you, because although Alex McKinnon will be on a journey to rewrite his own story, let this be proof for all readers that you can still maintain their job positions after setbacks, adversity and/or injury, you just have to find a way to use it differently.

Just a word in passing

Hi Readers, 

I’m writing this article in response to a Sunrise report where an Adelaide retail store has come under fire for selling t-shirts with the word “retarde” (which is French for “late”).  

“Retard” is all too common a word often used to describe people with disabilities but it actually means “To cause to be slow or incomplete; hinder.”   

In addition to the use of the word retard, I also have issues with the use of the word “crippled” because, much like the term "nigger" it is only acceptable when it is being used as a well-intended joke among PLC-affected people and/or people with disabilities themselves, but not when being used by others who most often use it to insult, exploit and/or intimidate us. Plainly put; you wouldn't walk around with a shirt that says nigger so why is it suddenly okay to walk around with a shirt saying retard. 

Conversely, Paralympic cyclist Mel Leckie appeared at the protest outside the store wearing one of the shirts and argued it was no different to wearing clothing printed with the word idiot or d***head. I would argue that as she acquired her disability at the age of 27 she did not have to deal with being called a retard during the more vulnerable part of her life, her childhood, and as her disability is a physical one the word may not resonate with her as it does with people perceived to be less than mentally competent. 

Ponder this... Although people with disabilities and/or PLCs (permanent lifetime challenges) have to do things differently to create their own “normalcy”, that doesn’t mean their contribution to society should be any less valued than that of an able-bodied person. Point in case, why do they then, often, face the worst cases of bullying known to mankind? 

Throughout my life, I was subjected to bullying in the form of name-calling such as “retard”, “social outcast”, “societal reject” and “ugly crippled loser” as I battled acne. This really upset me but I kept myself strong by fully embracing the uniqueness that came with my personality and by using the mantra of: “It’s what on the inside that counts” to keep fighting. Whilst it wasn't always easy, in the words of energetic practitioner and author Lenita Vangellis “when your self-love is intact the words of the wounded have no effect on you." 

I've had role models throughout my life for various different reasons, but when I reached my mid-teens I got to a point where I then began searching specifically for a role model with positivity qualities, knowing that positivity is something that I will depend on for the rest of my life, and as I was sick of being told what "positivity" should look like by conventional thinkers.  

In my experience there are 2 different kinds of positive people; those whom identify themselves as optimists for the sake of argument, and those whose optimism is self-evident as they practice, preach, live and breathe optimism daily. I found these characteristics in James Kannis, an Australian Idol contestant who was on television at the time. 

James is an extraordinary guy with unique personality characteristics, not only does he have the voice of an angel, but on a personal level he's one of the manliest people you could ever meet and deep inside he has this beautifully kind and soft heart that is filled with a limitless capacity for unconditional love. He exudes positivity and his love flows out and shines through effortlessly on to whomever he meets, which made him the perfect role model for me and someone who I could always count on (regardless of whether I got to meet them or not).  

Unfortunately, even this very personal choice was constantly criticised by "narcissistic emotional vampires" and consequently I found my inner strength being worn away to the point that I actively tried to avoid bringing up the topic and anything relating to my choice. 

Normally I’m the sort of person that if I like and/or love something or someone, then I like to wholeheartedly and openly talk about it without restraint, which was more often than not misconstrued for stereotypical reasons. At this point I'd like to issue a call to arms to all parents, if you notice that your child is becoming increasingly more withdrawn or evasive be proactive about communicating with them in a non judgemental fashion. I have, from my own experience, formulated a few questions for parents to consider relating to the topic; 

1.    How do you explain the difference between being a follower and being a leader in a grounded way?

2.    How do you articulate to your child that in life they shouldn’t allow themselves be “enslaved” into being what others want them to be, but that there are times in life in which it’s okay for them to mimic others depending on the reason for doing so? 

3.    How would you help your child deal with their own self-comparison issues? For instance, if your child said to you: “Mummy, I really want and/or wish that I could be like this person” or “If it’s okay for this person to do this, then how come it’s not okay for me to do it?” 

A recent and more well known case of bullying is that of Charlotte Dawson. It brings to light that whilst people may think that offhand comments are harmless everyone has their own weak spot.  

Unbeknownst to the trolls in cyberspace Charlotte had long been battling with depression and had previously tried to take her own life, so though comments about her appearance simply bounced off the star's tough skin, calls for her to end her existence cut straight to the core with a devastating effect which none had foreseen. Despite Charlotte having previously spoken on 60 Minutes about the how this kind of cyber bullying had led to a previous attempt on her life, when she finally succumbed to death's embrace many still refuse to believe cyber bullying played such a part of her actions. 

Em Mastronardi of Change.org is currently petitioning for harsher penalties and policing of cyber bullying in memory of Charlotte and the many others whom have lost their lives as a result of cyber bullying.  

If you take away anything from this article, let it be this perception becomes reality; be aware that anything you may say can be misconstrued, and as Tyrese Gibson says "be aware of dream, vision and passion killers" and if you sense that someone is constantly trying to crush your dreams, unapologetically dump them, they're not worth your time or effort - even though I know this is easier said than done. 

You can read more and formulate your own opinion from these sources; 

·             http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8525498 

·        https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/globalize-clothing-chain-takes-remaining-few-retarde-shirts-off-shelves-following-public-outrage/news-story/3e6d1294efa58792921f688eabce2c52

·             https://www.facebook.com/notes/lenita-vangellis/being-bullied-is-my-claim-to-fame-the-abuse-of-a-serious-issue/10152139699630002 

·             http://www.change.org/en-AU/petitions/the-australian-government-charlotte-s-law-tougher-cyber-bullying-legislation 

“Narcissistic emotional vampires”: A term used by psychologist John Aiken, used to describe people that are constantly on one’s back, bossing them around, constantly telling them what to do, how to treat people and how to feel; just because they themselves.

Fighting Chance blog 17

Education at all costs

Hi Readers,

It is often said that getting a good education is very beneficial to setting one up for life, but what would you do if you lived in a country where that very fundamental birthright is banned, perceptively stigmatised or unaffordable. I’m writing this article in honor of teen Pakistani education activist Malala Yousafzai’s story who courageously fights for what she believes in, but there are people in her country against her doing so.

Back on October 10, 2012, 15 year-old Malala Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban on her way home from school where she had been campaigning to promote equal educational rights for girls. This brave, aspirational teenager once wanted to become a doctor but had a change of heart, “inspired” by the incident and her homeland’s troubles she now wants to become a politician.

Malala advocates that education is more than just the subjects that you learn, it is teaching you about life, history, and communication. Treating all students equally teaches equality, and acceptance of others, justice and respect, which in turn builds the basis for living together peacefully.

My educational experience was similar to hers in that the schooling system in Lebanon was not supportive of a full and equal academic standard. I went to a special school for people with disabilities which works on the basis that a student’s capacity to learn is based on the student’s cognitive capacity to understand, this is in part because the societal perception is that if one is physically crippled then they must also be mentally crippled. In addition to this, I would have been forced to leave school in Lebanon at 14 years old, as they no longer cater for those with special needs after this age.

However as a bright young girl I quickly reached the point at which my overall cognitive, academic and social development was being hindered as a result of the mental-physical stigma that disability presents, and at 12.5 years old my parents and I agreed that “special needs schools” were no longer meeting my needs intellectually and we began to explore new options.

Tied in with the different educational standards was a stigma I commonly experienced in Lebanon; the idea that caring for a person with a disability was something demeaning and to be left to the “maids”. Many parents would have been disgusted to have their child sharing a classroom with a disabled child, and while my family fought to get me into mainstream schooling in Lebanon, the stigma coupled with financial expenses made mainstream schooling a non-viable option.

My parents and I moved back to my birth country of Australia to finish my school education in the mainstream and get my life back on track. Had the right educational support been available my family and I would not have had to leave the majority of our family in Lebanon and move to Australia.

I’m now at a point where I feel completely comfortable with my own ability because I haven’t been stopped from pursuing anything I want to pursue. I’ve completed my school education, including 2 years on the SRC and am now a writer for Fighting Chance Australia, it is highly likely I would not have achieved all this had I remained in Lebanon.

So, I conclusively feel that developing countries should take a leaf out of Malala Yousefzai’s crusade and start creating more educational awareness campaigns, promoting the benefits of education for all persons, and put in place centres like Fighting Chance Australia so that people can learn more about people with disabilities and learn to see them as “able” instead of disabled.

So, based on this story, for this blog; I’d like to pose a question to the readers and the disability multicultural community of Australia: – Have you ever had to leave your home country and migrate elsewhere to seek a better education for yourselves or for your kids? Feel free to share your story here.

You’re welcome to read more on Malala Yousefzai on these links:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gordon-brown/a-unified-global-moment-t_b_2081970.html,

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2012/oct/26/malala-yousafzai-father-video and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18-DzIW-hZE .