Invincibility gone wrong

I’m writing this article in response to a blog that I read on South African Olympian/Paralympian Oscar Pistorius who recently became controversially known for shooting his model girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp after mistaking her for an intruder.

While this topic has divided opinions, for me, what I was struck by most was that the fortnight before it took place; he was surprising a fan who was born with the same condition as his by turning up to join her at one of her training sessions…Little did she or the rest of the world know that a fortnight thereafter he’d be remanded in custody awaiting to stand trial for murder.

So upon hearing this news in the first place, my heart immediately went out to this little girl and her family because I’m sure that she’d been knocked for six over this but I’m resting assured that her family is supporting in the best way that they can.

My understanding of the blogs (which I’m responding to) is that there have also been a lot of questions surrounding the perception of one’s personality characteristics adopted from malpractice versus whether, if at all, there’s any correlation whatsoever between a person’s disability and the likelihood of violence and/or criminality tendencies that may impend on them if they were to break the law by making life-changing and “unfathomable” choices.

Please note that there’s a difference between being someone’s fan from the start and/or forever and/or seldomly knowing and/or becoming a fan of theirs upon hearing their name somewhere, so I’ll therefore respond to it from this angle – for me, I’m taking Melissa’s side on this because I feel and believe not everyone with a disability is susceptible to criminality and/or violence, nor should it influence public opinion. I do believe that Oscar Pistorius is first and foremost a human being and should be treated like one because based on what I’ve personally read and heard, I do feel this is and was simply a case of “mistaken identity” (until proven otherwise) and my heart equally also goes out both the families of his and Reeva Steenkamp’s as I write this.

I completely agree with Melissa’s viewpoint because for someone like Stella (whom Mellissa is opposing) who is big advocate for disability rights, it seems that her judgment “gloves” come off when it comes to “law-related human invincibility gone wrong” as noted in this quote of:

“We are ill-prepared to cope with the idea of a disabled man charged with murder.”

Which I hereby feel serves as a double-standard for Stella who is such a passionate advocate for equality. He is a man yes and he has a disability yes but does or should his disability influence public opinion? My feeling is that his disability should never play a role in our perception of him.

Conclusively I would argue rather that the reason Oscar as fallen so far was because we had him so high up on the social pedestal, that the hero has become the villain, that is why this case is so captivating.

You’re welcome to formulate your own opinions on the story on this link:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-02-19/young-oscar-pistorius-and-an-unfathomable-crime/4527424

Written by Maria Makhoul

Fighting Chance blog 9

Workplace Compassion

Back in February 2012, I interviewed myself and my colleagues about the employment hurdles that we’ve had to overcome. This time, I’m back, and in my latest Fighting Chance blog; I’m tackling the subject of overall office interaction in the workplace.

To get all the information I needed as research for this article, I conducted an anonymous questionnaire, asking questions like what challenges do you face in the office environment and how comfortably do you interact with fellow interns and staff. And from scrolling through the answers of this questionnaire I found the general consensus to be that the office is a positive, challenging and motivating space. This was particularly prevalent for new interns and those on work experience who had not previously been exposed to a workplace atmosphere and often at times find themselves “outside their comfort zone” for the first time.

 “I learn a lot from work and I learn from talking to other people in the workplace.” These comments suggest that the office is an encouraging and engaging space where individuals positively interact.

One of our staff members commented that his job taught him how to be more calm and understanding of other people’s values and opinions, “I have learnt to refrain from certain behaviours…like swearing! Just acting in a way that is appropriate for the office and trying to be mindful of my colleagues and interns”. I would suggest that although similar attitudes are adopted in most workplace settings, it is particularly essential in the Fighting Chance office. Because of the varying physical and intellectual abilities and behaviours of our interns and staff, I have observed that everyone is (willingly) committed to being actively sensitive, patient and understanding, which I think is what makes this space so special.

Secondly, another staff member who has a hearing impairment shared how this affects her at work. “I would advise anyone what I need. I need to be understood in a conversation. You can get my attention by saying my name first so I can concentrate on lip-reading the spoken word. When I’m in a confused state, I will walk away and not join in a group discussion.” This quote reiterates my early comments about the importance of creating an understanding and inclusive workplace environment in which all individuals must adapt their behaviour for the benefit of other interns and staff.

“I also feel that working here has given me a more positive outlook I am able to be more social”

Additionally, I also feel that it’s important for all employees to get along smoothly as well as establish a polite workplace rapport with each other.

All in all, to conclude this blog, I feel that I have learned that communication and understanding plays a huge role in everything in life, whether it’s in the workplace, a social setting and/or one’s personal life, providing that it’s done effectively and/or efficiently.

Maria Makhoul

Incontinence-It may not apply to who and/or what you think

Incontinence - It may not apply to who and/or what you think

Incontinence: Unable to restrain natural discharges or evacuations of urine and faeces.

Hi Readers,

Please note that I know that the subject of incontinence may not be the most charming topic of conversation for people to talk about, but I’m not writing this article to make readers cringe*, but to simply raise awareness about this issue and some of the stereotypical elements that sometimes surround it.

I’m sure that many people often associate incontinence with pregnancy and/or psychological nervousness (better known as “stress incontinence”), however, what people don’t realise is that it can also happen to people with disabilities too which can provoke shame and embarrassment just as much, particularly if you have Cerebral Palsy (CP) or Spina Bifida. Be assured you’re not alone, this situation can happen to both men and women and you don’t have to suffer in silence as there is help.

For me, I was born with moderate Cerebral Palsy and although I am and was toilet-trained, I still sometimes have accidents if I laugh too much and/or if I hold on for longer than usual.

As I noted previously, incontinence is a condition that happens to both men and women so it’s important for both genders to maintain an equal level of open communication between them in order to help prevent them from suffering in silence. Please note that sometimes men who have had a prostatectomy can also sometimes experience bouts of incontinence which is why it’s helpful for them if they “gradually” pluck up the courage to ask for help and speak up about it if they need to.       

My own experiences with incontinence over the years have sometimes been a bit challenging (especially around boys) and while I now have it under control these days, I did particularly find it hard to deal with, specifically when my male friends are around and they happened to witness me have an accident; which in turn, does sometimes make them feel somewhat uncomfortable and upsets me. In my final years of school in 2006 and 2007, I was thrown into a classroom with boys whose personalities were “emotively immature”* which meant that I had to learn the “boys will be boys” lesson the hard way and I found this extremely difficult to deal with at times because I was the oldest of three girls who had male friends with conservative upbringings, so walking into this unfamiliar territory took me completely outside my comfort zone and on a big learning curve, that at times I found confronting and this did sometimes serve as a hindrance towards my incontinence challenges because I then always felt the need to subconsciously conduct myself in a guarded manner in order to prevent the feelings of shame and embarrassment that it may provoke.

In saying that, what’s mentioned in the paragraph above serves as absolutely no excuse for boys themselves not to be educated on this issue, but it is rather persuasive in raising awareness in getting the stigma that surrounds this condition off once and for all. This can definitely be achievable if the person, with whom the sufferer is communicating this to, conducts themselves with a polite, respectful, sensitive, understanding and considerate attitude.

Here are my tips for incontinence sufferers:

·         Get to know your body physiologically and/or anatomically.

·         Enlist the help of a psychologist or physiotherapist (preferably one that specialises in urinary and bowel incontinence).

·         Train yourself to go to the toilet independently (while this is not often recommended due to the fact that it may disrupt your sleep pattern[s], sometimes when you just need to go then you just need to go. Please note that safety must be paramount when doing this because ideally it’s recommended that you go with light off as the light signals your brain to wake up, despite this fact it may be unsafe to do it that way, so each to their own).

·         Know your laughter “safety cue”. E.g.: If required, feel free to speak up and say “Do not ‘make me laugh’ until…”.

·         Designate a time to stop your liquid intake to avoid being “rudely interrupted” at night.

·         Experiment whether or not incontinence pads work for you.

·         Always go to the toilet before watching a movie and/or seeing family and friends that are funny.

Here’s to a social life full of joy, happiness and lots of laughter!

Cringe: To shrink back, as in fear; cower.

Stereotypical: [Adjective]-1. Beliefs that aren’t necessarily true. 2. Without freshness or appeal because of overuse.

“Emotively immature”: “Emotively immature” is term that I’ve come up with to help me distinguish the difference between boys who wholly “live and embrace” the “boys will be boys” concept and the well-behaved “goody-two-shoes” boys.

Fighting Chance blog 8

Perfection of an unprovoked reality

I’m writing this article in response to a report that I saw on Channel 7’s Sunday Night, a story entitled “A father’s love”.

This report chronicles the story of a boy named Jackson Keleher who was born with Cerebral Palsy as a result of oxygen deprivation. Doctors said, quite adamantly, that Jackson would never ever walk and would be unable to lead a ‘normal’ life. As hard as this is for any first-time parent to hear, little did they know the power of parental love can create wonders and perform miracles.

Jackson’s parents David and Carrie separated not long after his birth and David became Jackson’s sole and primary carer. David was adamant that Jackson would walk and communicate, through means of gruelling physical therapy treatments and constant speech pathology sessions, an emotionally exhausting venture for both David and Jackson. Whilst I admire David’s bravery as well as his fierce fatherly support, the thing that got me talking most was Carrie’s response as to how she felt about Jackson having CP. Carrie is significantly less involved in Jackson’s day to day routine, although she says she loves him and is happy and proud to be his mum she finds the ‘CP part’ particularly hard for her to adjust to and accept, to the point where she referred to it as “repulsive”.

(I welcome you to watch the report and formulate your own opinion on 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBcKVASGdBs ).

While Carrie’s comments did initially make me cringe, as I was researching this story thoroughly and reflecting on her remarks, I realised that she has valid concerns and such denial and an inability to accept stems from enormous guilt and grief.

For myself I’ll always remain grateful for the life that I have now, if there was a safe cure for CP, would I take it? And my answer to that would be “yes” …….and “no”. “Yes” because I wanted to be a school teacher but I’ve struggled with people’s perception of me. And “no” because I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to meet the amazing people that I have.

Given that, I’d like to pose some questions to you, reflecting on unfortunate circumstances; if you could go back in time and change anything at all in your life, what would it be? And If you had a chance to live your life without unwanted and/or unnecessary challenge(s), would you and why?

Greg Braden once said and I share his sentiments;
“Adversity is an opportunity for us to step into our mastery.”

2012 Pink Ribbon Day

          I dedicate this article in loving memory of Janise Einfield, my aunty Mirna and to all those who have been affected by cancer.

In the USA and Australia, October is breast cancer awareness month and providing that, most Australians have been touched by breast cancer in one way or another. In fact, one in every nine Australian women will be diagnosed with breast cancer by the age of 85. As the number of women affected by this terrible disease grows, so does our need for your help and support.

That’s why the Cancer Council holds the event of “Pink Ribbon Day” which provides the perfect chance for you to do your part in the fight against breast cancer. There is a lot to be done, but we know together we can create a better life for everyone affected by this disease. So please, (heart) [shown below] pink or wear a pink-ribboned shirt brooch (shown below) this October and help us make a difference for all those affected by breast cancer.

It is therefore important that you all know that breast cancer can strike anyone at any age. In rare instances, even males can become breast cancer victims.

Back in 2006 when I was 17, I discovered a lump in my breast and as you can imagine, it scared the garbage out of me but luckily I acted quickly and sought medical attention. It turned out that the lump was benign but nevertheless I had it surgically removed just as a precaution.

I consider myself to have been lucky in that there was lots of media attention on the subject of breast cancer in young people.

Even though most doctors recommend that women undergo regular breast checks between the ages of 40 and 50, the experiences of celebrities like Kylie Minogue, 38, the late Jane McGrath, 42, the late Kerryn McCann (Australian Olympic sprinter), 41 and the late Belinda Emmett, 32 made me realise that it not only people aged 40 and up but young people as well.

The final message of this article is, get to know your bodies both anatomically and physiologically particularly the state of your breast health and if you notice any changes then please seek medical advice immediately. Who knows? It can either change your life and/or save your life.

Fighting Chance blog 6

LifeX

We believe that it is simply unacceptable that a significant portion of our community be excluded from actively participating in society because of their disability. Public isolation, loneliness and a lack of social opportunity is a far too prevalent and unnecessary challenge for Australians with disabilities. So what did we do..? We launched the Life X program in June of 2012, our aim, to make social inclusion a reality!

We run an annual calendar of events, from evenings at the pub and concerts through to weekends away, open to people with disabilities and our able bodied supporters. By doing so, we bring together young people who would otherwise never meet.

Keep an eye out on Facebook and Twitter for upcoming events, and get involved.

Our in-house blog writer Maria Makhoul comments on the Queen of the little monsters Lady Gaga, after attending her concert.

On Sunday June 24, some members of the Fighting Chance team, including myself, were lucky enough to go and see American pop star Lady Gaga at All Phones Arena, in Sydney as part of the Fighting Chance LifeX program.

While many people may classify her controversial stage presence along with her mildly wild personality and eccentric sense of fashion as perhaps not suitable to everyone else’s artistic tastes, on the flipside, her underlying inspirational message overshines that particular fact.

I think that going to this concert help us all connect with our inner wild child and it was a great night overall.

Attendees: Laura O’Reilly (Fighting Chance Australia CEO), Amanda Keegan (volunteer and Kellie Keegan’s sister), Kate Howard-Jones (former carer and HR staff member), Sophie Cooper (Georgia Cooper’s sister and volunteer), Kellie Keegan (current carer and HR staff member), Kylie Daily, Brianna Heaton, Georgia Cooper me, Brianna Azzopardi.

Fighting Chance blog 7

We’re not here for your inspiration . . . I politely disagree

Inspirational: Imparting a divine influence on the mind and soul.

Hi Readers,

I’m writing this article in response to an article by Stella Young that I read on ‘Ramp Up. ‘Ramp Up’ is the ABC website featuring news, discussion, debate and humour for everyone in Australia’s disability communities. Stella Young is a comedian, disability advocate and editor of ‘Ramp Up’. The article “We’re not here for your inspiration” criticises the use of images depicting disabled people doing ‘normal’ things captioned with inspiring quotes intended on encouraging ‘non-disabled’ people to put their worries into perspective, of which Stella disapprovingly labels “inspiration porn”.

In my attempt to respond to her, I’m going to do my very best to advise her to lighten up, encourage her to tone her criticism down and show her that there’s nothing necessarily wrong with being ‘teachably’ inspiring towards others in my similarly entitled blog “We’re not here for your inspiration…I politely disagree”.

I was born with a moderate type of cerebral palsy which means that while I am able to walk using mobility equipment to support me with my physical balance issues, I use a wheelchair for long distances because I get tired. Because my CP is moderate, I sometimes feel reluctantly lucky that I can do the things I can, but despite that, my parents always insisted that I treat myself the same way as everyone else and conduct myself with complete normalcy (whether it’s with your attitude and/or your physical capabilities). So far most of the people that I’ve come across have been encouragingly kind and pleasant towards me.

Although people with a physical disability (like myself) might be doing completely ‘normal’ everyday tasks as Stella so defensively points out. These tasks are in fact challenging for those of us who do not live in a ‘normal’ functioning body. So what then is the dispute over recognising this feat as inspirational? I would argue that to be inspirational one does not need to be extraordinary, rather one can be simply ordinary but in extraordinary circumstances.

As anyone who has a disability will know, growing up can be a real roller-coaster ride. Often you have to search far and wide for inspiration about how you can make your life more meaningful and achieve a sense of purpose and fulfilment. For me, it’s the feat of overcoming obstacles and achieving against the odds that is inspiring, individuals achieving their goals no matter how big or small.

I would argue then, that a photo of a famous athlete with the slogan “you can do it!” “find the power” is no more or less ‘appropriate’ than a picture of an amputee walking on prosthetic legs with the caption “before you give up try”. With the permission of the individual in question how can it be suggested as abusive or disrespectful to advertise ones triumphs in the hope of inspiring others? We all need a little motivational reminder every so often this hardly denotes ‘inspirational porn’.

So, Stella, if you disagree I hereby pose a question: What and/or who would you personally and specifically identify and/or classify as an inspirational person to you?

Maria Makhoul – Fighting Chance in-house blog writer.