We're not here for your inspiration…I politely disagree” (Maria Makhoul's version)

Inspirational: Imparting a divine influence on the mind and soul.

Hi Readers,

I’m writing this article in response to an article that I read on the “Ramp Up”. “Ramp Up” is a disability advocacy blog run by journalist Stella Young.

Stella Young wanted to be a secondary school teacher upon finishing school but had to re-evaluate her options because she discovered that some of the schools in her area were wheelchair inaccessible.

I’m sure that that’s happened to all of us at some point but she’s written this blog entitled “We're not here for your inspiration” and when I read it I thought she was being strictly critical and closed-minded in her viewpoints. You’re welcome to read the actual article and judge for yourself and formulate your own opinion on it on http://www.abc.net.au/rampup/articles/2012/07/02/3537035.htm .

In my attempt to respond to her, I’m gonna do my very best to advise her to “lighten up”, encourage her to tone her criticism down and show her that there’s nothing necessarily wrong with being “teachably” inspiring towards others and having that very attribute recognised in return by the person saying it, in my similarly entitled blog “We're not here for your inspiration…I politely disagree”.

My name is Maria Makhoul; I work at Fighting Chance Australia with the O’Reilly family as a "new media and research assistant/in-house blog writer". I was born with the moderate type of cerebral palsy which means that while I am able to walk using mobility equipment to support me with my physical balance issues, I use a wheelchair for long distances because I get tired. Because my CP is moderate, I sometimes feel “reluctantly” lucky that I can do the things I can but despite that, my parents always insisted that I’d treat myself the same way as everyone else and conduct myself with complete normalcy (whether it’s with your attitude and/or your physical capabilities) and so far most of the people that I’ve come across have been encouragingly kind and pleasant towards me.

What is important for us to note is that people with disabilities and/or people who face other life challenges are also human beings who have emotively kind hearts that have the capacity to love, support and encourage others just like able-bodied people can and do which oftentimes is kindly recognised and complimented by strangers. The reason as to why I state this is because, in her article, Stella has bitterly and critically suggested that the “inspirational” attribute that lies in one’s personality be ignored and preferably abolished…which I highly disagree with because it could have many goods to it.

Now I’ll go on to address the subjects of role models and inspirational* people.

As anyone who has a disability will know, growing up can be a real rollercoaster ride. Often you search far and wide for inspiration about how you can make your life more meaningful and achieve a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

I’m sure we all have role models and inspirational people that we admire and look up to and oftentimes we all have that one person that stands out from the pack. Because I’ve faced challenges with this “role model choosing” element when it came to other people’s perception(s) of them, I feel wholeheartedly confident that I have the right ones for me so far which is why I’ve compiled some questions to help guide kids and/or families on how to support themselves in making a suitable decision that best fits them.

Questions:

1.  In your opinion do you think there’s a difference between having the “stranger danger” talk and the “role model(s) choosing” talk with your children? If so, then please explain why and/or how.

2.  How do you explain the difference between “being a follower” and “being a leader” in a grounded way? Example 1: How do you articulate to your child that there are some times in life in which you can’t be “enslaved” into doing what others want from and/or of you and that there are other times in life in which it’s okay to follow someone depending on how valid your reason for doing so is? Example 2: How would you help your child deal with their own self-comparison issues? For instance, if your child said to you: “Mummy, I really want and/or wish that I could be like this person” or “If it’s okay for this person to do this, then how come it’s not okay for me to do it?”

3.  Did you have “role model” guidelines for your kids, growing up? Example: if your child chooses to have someone that they personally know as their role model then you’d have to oversee that there is a level of trust that is and/or gets demonstrated between both your child and their chosen role model and make your final decision on it depending on how you feel about it; whereas if your child chooses to have a celebrity as their role model then you’d have to ensure that they (the celeb) have good and positive attributes that your kids are likely to draw inspiration from and/or be influenced by.

4.  If your child has a celeb role model then in your explanation, how do you separate the “personal humanitarian” part and the “showbiz and fame” part? Example 1: Just because the career industry that we choose to work for requires to do weird, whacky and crazy things, it therefore may not necessarily mean that that’s who we are in real life. Example 2: despite their “celebrity status”, life for them just goes on as it does with everyone else because they are also everyday regular working class people that have their own personal lives to live and lead.

5.  How do you convey the right “role model” message continuously in a grounded way, even if and/or when the conversation gets too obsessive and/or over-obsessive? Example: If you notice that your child is getting too absorbed in the conversation to the point where one feels that they have nothing else to talk about, you might say to them: “While you personally may like this person very much, it doesn’t mean that your life hereby* has to revolve around you talking about them at irrelevant time.

6.  Did you use your own “role model” knowledge and/or your parents’ wisdom around that very subject to help guide your own kids through the “role-model-choosing” journey?

7.  Did you have role model(s)? Who did you look up to? And why?

8.  When you come to a point where you trust your child's "judgement of character" when it comes to their "role model choice", how do you then help them defend themselves against ruthless criticism?

9.  How do you explain the difference between “being a follower” and “being a leader” in a grounded way? Example 1: How do you articulate to your child that there are some times in life in which you can’t be “enslaved” into doing what others want from and/or of you and that there are other times in life in which it’s okay to follow someone depending on how valid your reason for doing so is? Example 2: How would you help your child deal with their own self-comparison issues? For instance, if your child said to you: “Mummy, I really want and/or wish that I could be like this person” or “If it’s okay for this person to do this, then how come it’s not okay for me to do it?”

10.                    Did you have “role model” guidelines for your kids, growing up? Example: if your child chooses to have someone that they personally know as their role model then you’d have to oversee that there is a level of trust that is and/or gets demonstrated between both your child and their chosen role model and make your final decision on it depending on how you feel about it; whereas if your child chooses to have a celebrity as their role model then you’d have to ensure that they (the celeb) have good and positive attributes that your kids are likely to draw inspiration from and/or be influenced by.

11.                    If your child has a celeb role model then in your explanation, how do you separate the “personal humanitarian” part and the “showbiz and fame” part? Example 1: Just because the career industry that we choose to work for requires to do weird, whacky and crazy things, it therefore may not necessarily mean that that’s who we are in real life. Example 2: despite their “celebrity status”, life for them just goes on as it does with everyone else because they are also everyday regular working class people that have their own personal lives to live and lead.
12. How do you convey* the right “role model” message continuously in a grounded way, even if and/or when the conversation gets too obsessive and/or over-obsessive? Example: If you notice that your child is getting too absorbed in the conversation to the point where one feels that they have nothing else to talk about, you might say to them: “While you personally may like this person very much, it doesn’t mean that your life hereby has to revolve around you talking about them at an irrelevant time.

13. Growing up, did you use your own “role model” knowledge and/or your parents’ wisdom around that very subject to help guide your kids through the “role-model-choosing” journey?

I have a few role models: Fran Drescher, Kris Jenner (Kardashian family mum - please note that I understand that everyone has their own opinion about them and that’s ok but even though I read her book “Kris Jenner and all things Kardashian” as an adult, in hindsight I sort of wish that it was around when I was growing up because you could learn lots of valuable lessons from it so you can read it if you wish) and Sharon Osbourne but there’s one person that stands out from the pack for me…that is 2005 Australian Idol contestant, turned singer/songwriter and youth and crisis worker James Kannis because he’s a positivist* who inspires me and helps me a great deal to always stay positive. Even though I have been lucky enough to have met him and his family and am now friends with him, I’ve sometimes had to “politely disagree” with him as to why he finds me an inspiration, the realisation of that came to me when he said to me: “Maria, there are people out there who take things for granted, and to see people like you that are so alive and motivated despite the daily challenges that you have to go through, is an inspiration to me", which completely resonates with me.

So, here’s my advice on what to look for in role models and inspirational people:

·        Follow your heart and take your brain with you.

·        Look for someone you can relate to and who you feel reflects your personality best.

·        Depending on if you feel comfortable and confident about them being your role model and/or inspirational people then sometimes you may feel the need to treat the experience and/or the person like a counsellor.

·        Look for someone who’s “critiquingly nurturing”* towards you.

·        Look for someone who embodies these attributes: respect, realism, humbleness, honesty, truthfulness and openness.

·        If you need a different perspective on things then don’t be afraid to enlist the help of the opposite gender for help.  Who knows? You might be surprised.

The bottom line is that you can have as many role models and/or inspirational people as you wish for they can absolutely change your view on things and even your life.

So, Stella, I hereby pose a question: What and/or who would you personally and specifically identify and/or classify as a role model/inspirational person to you?

Positivist: [Adjective] - 1.The state or quality of being positive. 2. Of or relating to positivism; "positivist thinkers"; "positivist doctrine"; "positive philosophy".

“Critiquing nurturing”: A term that I came up with to describe someone with a kind and loving heart and/or personality who’s also able to give and/or convey “tough love” when required.