Fighting Chance blog 18

The cost of employment

For most young adults, having a job is something they identify with (specifically if their chosen career field requires them to work their way from the ground up) and getting a job is hard enough as it is, at the best of times.

Please note that it’s not just a generational thing because there are genuinely honest and hard-working people (like myself) out there who just want to be given whatever work opportunities we can get our hands on.

But what if your work position was jepordised by physical injury (even permanent paralysis) and caused you to have to change your employment direction and/or take on an unpreferred position?

Newcastle Knights player Alex McKinnon was in negotiations to have his contract extended for another 2 years, before his career as a football player came to an abrupt end when he broke his neck in a tackle whilst playing against the Melbourne Storm last month which left him wheelchair-bound.

While he didn’t have to contemplate and/or sacrifice leaving the job he loves, and was able to maintain his job by getting a permanent position on the NRL injury board instead, I regrettably had to leave my previous job, in search of something which eventually did go on to help me fulfill and grow my passion for writing further – Fighting Chance Australia.

As disheartening as this was for me, it also gave me some perspective in helping me realise how hard and tedious it is for school leavers to get a job and to not hope (especially if the work field that you’ve chosen is harder to crack – for example: singing/songwriting, journalism and/or acting) because while they’re all creative mediums that fuel one’s passion, you’re often required to have a second job to help maintain social stimulation and generate a financial income.

In concluding this article, my final message will be one of hope, which is that rejection is a part of life and can sometimes test you but it’s in no way whatsoever a cause to give up on your hopes and dreams but can make you a stronger and better person by instilling resilience in you, because although Alex McKinnon will be on a journey to rewrite his own story, let this be proof for all readers that you can still maintain their job positions after setbacks, adversity and/or injury, you just have to find a way to use it differently.

Just a word in passing

Hi Readers, 

I’m writing this article in response to a Sunrise report where an Adelaide retail store has come under fire for selling t-shirts with the word “retarde” (which is French for “late”).  

“Retard” is all too common a word often used to describe people with disabilities but it actually means “To cause to be slow or incomplete; hinder.”   

In addition to the use of the word retard, I also have issues with the use of the word “crippled” because, much like the term "nigger" it is only acceptable when it is being used as a well-intended joke among PLC-affected people and/or people with disabilities themselves, but not when being used by others who most often use it to insult, exploit and/or intimidate us. Plainly put; you wouldn't walk around with a shirt that says nigger so why is it suddenly okay to walk around with a shirt saying retard. 

Conversely, Paralympic cyclist Mel Leckie appeared at the protest outside the store wearing one of the shirts and argued it was no different to wearing clothing printed with the word idiot or d***head. I would argue that as she acquired her disability at the age of 27 she did not have to deal with being called a retard during the more vulnerable part of her life, her childhood, and as her disability is a physical one the word may not resonate with her as it does with people perceived to be less than mentally competent. 

Ponder this... Although people with disabilities and/or PLCs (permanent lifetime challenges) have to do things differently to create their own “normalcy”, that doesn’t mean their contribution to society should be any less valued than that of an able-bodied person. Point in case, why do they then, often, face the worst cases of bullying known to mankind? 

Throughout my life, I was subjected to bullying in the form of name-calling such as “retard”, “social outcast”, “societal reject” and “ugly crippled loser” as I battled acne. This really upset me but I kept myself strong by fully embracing the uniqueness that came with my personality and by using the mantra of: “It’s what on the inside that counts” to keep fighting. Whilst it wasn't always easy, in the words of energetic practitioner and author Lenita Vangellis “when your self-love is intact the words of the wounded have no effect on you." 

I've had role models throughout my life for various different reasons, but when I reached my mid-teens I got to a point where I then began searching specifically for a role model with positivity qualities, knowing that positivity is something that I will depend on for the rest of my life, and as I was sick of being told what "positivity" should look like by conventional thinkers.  

In my experience there are 2 different kinds of positive people; those whom identify themselves as optimists for the sake of argument, and those whose optimism is self-evident as they practice, preach, live and breathe optimism daily. I found these characteristics in James Kannis, an Australian Idol contestant who was on television at the time. 

James is an extraordinary guy with unique personality characteristics, not only does he have the voice of an angel, but on a personal level he's one of the manliest people you could ever meet and deep inside he has this beautifully kind and soft heart that is filled with a limitless capacity for unconditional love. He exudes positivity and his love flows out and shines through effortlessly on to whomever he meets, which made him the perfect role model for me and someone who I could always count on (regardless of whether I got to meet them or not).  

Unfortunately, even this very personal choice was constantly criticised by "narcissistic emotional vampires" and consequently I found my inner strength being worn away to the point that I actively tried to avoid bringing up the topic and anything relating to my choice. 

Normally I’m the sort of person that if I like and/or love something or someone, then I like to wholeheartedly and openly talk about it without restraint, which was more often than not misconstrued for stereotypical reasons. At this point I'd like to issue a call to arms to all parents, if you notice that your child is becoming increasingly more withdrawn or evasive be proactive about communicating with them in a non judgemental fashion. I have, from my own experience, formulated a few questions for parents to consider relating to the topic; 

1.    How do you explain the difference between being a follower and being a leader in a grounded way?

2.    How do you articulate to your child that in life they shouldn’t allow themselves be “enslaved” into being what others want them to be, but that there are times in life in which it’s okay for them to mimic others depending on the reason for doing so? 

3.    How would you help your child deal with their own self-comparison issues? For instance, if your child said to you: “Mummy, I really want and/or wish that I could be like this person” or “If it’s okay for this person to do this, then how come it’s not okay for me to do it?” 

A recent and more well known case of bullying is that of Charlotte Dawson. It brings to light that whilst people may think that offhand comments are harmless everyone has their own weak spot.  

Unbeknownst to the trolls in cyberspace Charlotte had long been battling with depression and had previously tried to take her own life, so though comments about her appearance simply bounced off the star's tough skin, calls for her to end her existence cut straight to the core with a devastating effect which none had foreseen. Despite Charlotte having previously spoken on 60 Minutes about the how this kind of cyber bullying had led to a previous attempt on her life, when she finally succumbed to death's embrace many still refuse to believe cyber bullying played such a part of her actions. 

Em Mastronardi of Change.org is currently petitioning for harsher penalties and policing of cyber bullying in memory of Charlotte and the many others whom have lost their lives as a result of cyber bullying.  

If you take away anything from this article, let it be this perception becomes reality; be aware that anything you may say can be misconstrued, and as Tyrese Gibson says "be aware of dream, vision and passion killers" and if you sense that someone is constantly trying to crush your dreams, unapologetically dump them, they're not worth your time or effort - even though I know this is easier said than done. 

You can read more and formulate your own opinion from these sources; 

·             http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8525498 

·        https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/globalize-clothing-chain-takes-remaining-few-retarde-shirts-off-shelves-following-public-outrage/news-story/3e6d1294efa58792921f688eabce2c52

·             https://www.facebook.com/notes/lenita-vangellis/being-bullied-is-my-claim-to-fame-the-abuse-of-a-serious-issue/10152139699630002 

·             http://www.change.org/en-AU/petitions/the-australian-government-charlotte-s-law-tougher-cyber-bullying-legislation 

“Narcissistic emotional vampires”: A term used by psychologist John Aiken, used to describe people that are constantly on one’s back, bossing them around, constantly telling them what to do, how to treat people and how to feel; just because they themselves.

Fighting Chance blog 17

Education at all costs

Hi Readers,

It is often said that getting a good education is very beneficial to setting one up for life, but what would you do if you lived in a country where that very fundamental birthright is banned, perceptively stigmatised or unaffordable. I’m writing this article in honor of teen Pakistani education activist Malala Yousafzai’s story who courageously fights for what she believes in, but there are people in her country against her doing so.

Back on October 10, 2012, 15 year-old Malala Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban on her way home from school where she had been campaigning to promote equal educational rights for girls. This brave, aspirational teenager once wanted to become a doctor but had a change of heart, “inspired” by the incident and her homeland’s troubles she now wants to become a politician.

Malala advocates that education is more than just the subjects that you learn, it is teaching you about life, history, and communication. Treating all students equally teaches equality, and acceptance of others, justice and respect, which in turn builds the basis for living together peacefully.

My educational experience was similar to hers in that the schooling system in Lebanon was not supportive of a full and equal academic standard. I went to a special school for people with disabilities which works on the basis that a student’s capacity to learn is based on the student’s cognitive capacity to understand, this is in part because the societal perception is that if one is physically crippled then they must also be mentally crippled. In addition to this, I would have been forced to leave school in Lebanon at 14 years old, as they no longer cater for those with special needs after this age.

However as a bright young girl I quickly reached the point at which my overall cognitive, academic and social development was being hindered as a result of the mental-physical stigma that disability presents, and at 12.5 years old my parents and I agreed that “special needs schools” were no longer meeting my needs intellectually and we began to explore new options.

Tied in with the different educational standards was a stigma I commonly experienced in Lebanon; the idea that caring for a person with a disability was something demeaning and to be left to the “maids”. Many parents would have been disgusted to have their child sharing a classroom with a disabled child, and while my family fought to get me into mainstream schooling in Lebanon, the stigma coupled with financial expenses made mainstream schooling a non-viable option.

My parents and I moved back to my birth country of Australia to finish my school education in the mainstream and get my life back on track. Had the right educational support been available my family and I would not have had to leave the majority of our family in Lebanon and move to Australia.

I’m now at a point where I feel completely comfortable with my own ability because I haven’t been stopped from pursuing anything I want to pursue. I’ve completed my school education, including 2 years on the SRC and am now a writer for Fighting Chance Australia, it is highly likely I would not have achieved all this had I remained in Lebanon.

So, I conclusively feel that developing countries should take a leaf out of Malala Yousefzai’s crusade and start creating more educational awareness campaigns, promoting the benefits of education for all persons, and put in place centres like Fighting Chance Australia so that people can learn more about people with disabilities and learn to see them as “able” instead of disabled.

So, based on this story, for this blog; I’d like to pose a question to the readers and the disability multicultural community of Australia: – Have you ever had to leave your home country and migrate elsewhere to seek a better education for yourselves or for your kids? Feel free to share your story here.

You’re welcome to read more on Malala Yousefzai on these links:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gordon-brown/a-unified-global-moment-t_b_2081970.html,

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2012/oct/26/malala-yousafzai-father-video and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18-DzIW-hZE .

PLEASE let love be

Hi Readers, 

I’m writing this article in response to an article that my Fighting Chance colleague Jo Berry called Too Many Taboos and while she’s focused on tailoring to be disability-specific, in my attempt, I’m going to focus on the whole kit and caboodle when it comes to disability struggles – from the well-meaning and/or controversial setups between friends and family, personal insecurities brought on by adversity and to achieving against all odds; and sharing stories chronicling all 3 aspects. 

When you often hear the term “I’m ‘smitten’ with somebody” then that’s usually an indication that they’re romantically involved with someone, so why should people with PLCs  (permanent lifetime challenges) miss out on everything romantic love has to offer? 

What is important for us to note is that people with PLCs are also human beings who have kind hearts that have the capacity to love, support and encourage others just like able-bodied people can and do, the only difference is that when it comes to being in intimate or romantic relationships, the sole challenge they face is that they need to make precise decisions regarding aspects of their relationship or where it might futuristically lead to. 

Let’s face it, whether you’re an able-bodied person or a PLC-affected person, I’m pretty sure that you’ve all had well-meaning friends and family members try to set you up on a date which all in all is fine, but where do you draw the line when you feel that your capacity to make individualistic decisions regarding your own relationship gets overtaken by everyone else’s perception of how and/or what the dynamic of your relationship should be like? 

Anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I’m fiercely-outspoken and a confident conversationalist who talks like a broken record to the point where you sometimes can’t get a word in edge-wise. This attribute particularly escalates when I get wholeheartedly captivated by others, and whilst it’s possible to enjoy somebody’s else company regardless of what gender they are, I still can’t see why it, in turn, has to therefore be misconstrued as me being in love with them.    

The most frustrating thing that I experience frequently is the fact that people often misperceive my right to open vocal self-expression for me being overly-obsessed in people. But why? Is it just societal norm? Could it be “gender ignorance”? Or could disability influence it? 

In my final years of school in 2006 and 2007, I was thrown into a classroom with males where I was the only female. Their personalities seemed “emotively immature”* which meant that I had to learn the “boys will be boys” lesson the hard way and I found this extremely difficult to deal with at times because I was the oldest of three girls who had male friends with conservative upbringings, so walking into this unfamiliar territory took me completely outside my comfort zone and on a big learning curve, that at times I found confronting. I think that learning about it in the school setting was helpful as opposed to being thrown smack-bang out in the real world because I had the support of my teachers and felt comfortable enough to talk to them about it.  

My testosterone-fueled school experience taught me how to relate better to males and that I can actually pursue a romantic relationship with one if I wanted to. 

Now, should the opportunity arise for me to score a date on my own terms as a result of this article and I feel wholeheartedly ready for it then so be it, I’ll happily take it. However, that is not what the general consensus of this article is about. 

PLC-affected sufferers have their own personal insecurities and therefore must remember that beauty isn’t just skin deep when it comes to love.  

Take for example, American war hero turned actor J.R. Martinez who received burns to 40% of his body (arms, hands and face) in a car explosion whilst deployed in the Iraqi war. After undergoing 34 reconstructive skin graft surgeries, he thought he might never find love and was quoted in an Entertainment Tonight interview as saying: 

“What girl is gonna feel comfortable kissing my scars on my cheeks and forehead?” 

Little did he realise that the truth in the saying of “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” would somehow ring true for him one day, because he’s now married and a father to one year-old daughter Lauryn.  

Then there’s Serbian Australian American-based motivational speaker and author Nick Vujicic who was born with no arms and legs and thought of suicide when he was just 8 years old. He never shied away from the idea he might find romantic love and get married and went on to achieve it despite adversity. He even said: 

“I may not be able to hold my wife’s hand but I am able to hold her heart.” 

Then when his wife Kanae got asked how she feels about her love life setting which came with a difference, she said:   

“To me it wasn’t any different falling in love with Nick, I fell in love with him the way he is now. Because I had dated other guys and I had gone for the physical, and you know, but I was tired of that, and the moment I met Nick I was looking for other things, and all those things I found them in him. So that’s when I felt like wow, he’s not only boyfriend material, but he’s like - he could be my husband.” 

He now is her husband and to her, he has “everything he needs” and now they’re the proud parents of one year-old son Kiyoshi.  

Regardless of what challenges you face in life, I conclusively feel that nothing should stop you from having relationships in whichever form they come in. Both platonic and romantic relationships are beautiful – there’s nothing wrong with girls and boys, men and women having close friendships with one another and have it be recognised as a normal part of life. Furthermore, the only people that should be making decisions about their own relationships are the people involved in the relationships themselves. 

You’re welcome to formulate your own opinion on the interview links that chronicle all 3 aspects and read my colleague Jo Berry’s article: 

Singer/songwriter Tina Arena on the well-meaning and/or controversial date setups between family and friends - http://au.news.yahoo.com/sunday-night/features/article/-/19330508/tina-arena/ . 

American war hero turned actor J.R. Martinez on finding love despite adversity - http://www.etonline.com/news/126416_JR_Martinez_Reveals_Shocking_Injury_Photos/index.html . 

Nick Vujicic on finding love against all odds: part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_-Ws_dhS44 and part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYB3QSLarLg .  

My colleague Jo Berry’s article - http://www.fightingchance.org.au/?p=904 . 

Emotively immature”: “Emotively immature” is a term that I’ve come up with to help me distinguish the difference between boys who wholly “live and embrace” the “boys will be boys” concept and the well-behaved “goody-two-shoes” boys.